For Gold Star Families Every Day is Memorial Day
“ I believe our flag is more than just cloth and ink. It is a universally recognized symbol that stands for liberty, and freedom. It is the history of our nation, and it’s marked by the blood of those who died defending it.”
- John Thune
Memorial Day is a time to pause, remember, reflect and honor the fallen. It is not just the last day of a long weekend. A day at the beach, the barbecue gathering with friends, or the community block party are freedoms we all enjoy as Americans, paid for by the hundreds of thousands of men and women who died while serving in the Armed Forces of the United States.
It is also a time to remember our Gold Star Families. The title, which is reserved for families of military members who have died in the line of duty, is meant to honor the service member’s ultimate sacrifice while acknowledging their family’s loss, grief and continued healing. The phrase “Gold Star Family,” dates back to World War I, when military families displayed service flags featuring a blue star for every immediate family member serving in the Armed Forces. The star’s color would be changed to gold if the family lost a loved one while serving on active duty, hence the term, “Gold Star Family.” Individual military family members who lost a loved one also started to be referred to as “Gold Star Wives,” “Gold Star Mothers,” etc.
For background, I am a retired Marine having served over 20 years, both during times of peace and war. During my career I served as an enlisted Marine, a Staff Non-Commissioned Officer, Warrant Officer and Commissioned Officer. The units I served with very often had the additional duty of providing ceremonial and full honors funeral details. In all, I took part in over 50 military funerals in my 20 plus years on active duty. Most of these details were as an enlisted Marine where I was a Pall Bearer and part of the Ceremonial Rifle Section. As an Officer I was always the senior military member with the specific duty of presenting the American flag that had draped the coffin to the service member’s next of kin. This was by far the hardest of the Honors duties I had to perform. If you’ve ever wondered what message is said to the grieving family member, it goes something like this, “On behalf of the President of the United States, the United States Marine Corps, and a grateful nation, please accept this flag as a symbol of our appreciation for your loved one’s honorable and faithful service.” Kneeling in front of a mom, a spouse, or a child holding the last token of existence for their loved one was gut-wrenching and emotional. Never was there an occasion when I personally knew the fallen service member or anyone in the family, but the sense of loss and sadness were much the same. As the Officer-in-Charge my sense of obligation and duty were profound. The ceremony itself becomes a remembrance and you want that final send off to be with dignity, honor and compassion.
SAY THEIR NAMES, TELL THEIR STORY
It has now been nearly 30 years since I retired from the Corps. Today, my wife Rebecca and I are the Co-Directors of the Beaufort International Film Festival in Beaufort, SC. We are also documentary producers having spent the better part of the last quarter century sharing the stories of those fabulous men and women who take up the challenge to become Marines. From 1999 to 2013 our production company produced more than 600 Marine Corps Graduation Ceremonies that were included with the documentary MAKING MARINES: The Change is Forever. This program was made available to the new graduating Marines and their families. It’s estimated that more than 250,000 new Marines marched in front of our cameras on the way to their final unveiling after earning the title of Marine.
Sadly, many of these new Marines would be killed in action fighting the war on terror in Iraq and Afghanistan. Two of the Marines killed in action were Corporal Jonathan Yale and Lance Corporal Jordan Haerter. These courageous young men were immortalized in a speech by General John Kelly delivered in 2014 to a gathering of Gold Star Families in California. This speech was given just four days after losing his own son in combat operations in Afghanistan. This speech as often been referred to as “ Six Seconds to Live”.
A STORY DESTINED FOR THE BIG SCREEN
Former Marine Combat Correspondent Joshua DeFour, is the writer, director, and editor of The 11th Order, a 25 minute short student film he made while attending the University of Texas at Austin as part of his MFA program. He had previously served in Afghanistan, Japan, Tinian, Guam, and Bangladesh. Upon learning of the story behind General Kelly’s “Six Seconds to Live” speech, he made it his mission to recognize the sacrifices of Haerter and Yale and commit this story to film. With the financial help of the Marine Corps Heritage Foundation and the National Museum of the Marine Corps this film has since earned numerous accolades and awards. One of these awards was the Santini Patriot Spirit Award.
Created by the Beaufort Film Society, the “Santini” is awarded to that filmmaker whose portrayal of the American active duty military, veterans, or their families in a feature film, documentary, or short reflects the highest standards of service and sacrifice for the good of others. The award is named after Marine Corps Colonel Donald “The Great Santini” Conroy, father of Academy Award® nominated screenwriter and best-selling author Pat Conroy. For only the 3rd time in the 15 year history of the Beaufort International Film Festival, this prestigious award was presented to Joshua Defour for the spellbinding story of two American Heroes, Jonathan Yale and Jordan Haerter, in the short film The 11th Order. The previous “Santini” Awards were presented to filmmaker Jonathan Flora in 2011 for his documentary “Lt. Dan Band: For the Common Good and in 2016 the award was presented to former Army Chaplain Justin Roberts for his documentary film “No Greater Love”. As you can probably imagine since Beaufort is home to the famous Marine Corps Recruit Depot, Parris Island and the Marine Corps Air Station, Beaufort, more than 400 people showed up for the screening of each of these films. In the case of the 11th Order, many of the filmmakers and actors from the film were in attendance at the festival. One very special attendee was Gold Star Mom, JoAnn Lyles, mother of Lance Corporal Haerter. The film received a nearly 5 minute standing ovation. The audience showed great appreciation for a story told with care, understanding, and compassion for the families and friends left behind.
After the screening of the film, I conducted a Question & Answer (Q&A) session with the filmmakers. The audience was engaging and inquisitive. As my eyes roamed the audience looking for the next question, I locked eyes with JoAnn. I choked up a bit before I could continue because I FELT her pride in her son Jordan and her feeling of gratitude to Joshua for making this film. Had it not been for John Kelly’s speech and determination of Joshua Defour to tell this story, people might never have known of this enormous bravery and sacrifice made by these young men. Following the Q&A and while the actors were being interviewed by a media crew, JoAnn came over to me and offered a big heartfelt hug and it was then that she placed into my hand her son’s commemorative coin and said Thank You.
I felt her pride and her pain. The emotion swelled…again as I felt this Mother’s love for her son and appreciation for the recognition of his ultimate sacrifice made for his country. I thanked her for raising such a courageous son and being with us for the screening. The moment was surreal and one I will never forget. God Bless our Armed Forces and the United States of America.
Originally published at https://www.linkedin.com.
